tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62603394820653419232024-02-19T02:13:56.577-08:00Ode to a Dead SalmonA bad writing contest hosted by Running Fox Books49 Writershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16668373336251297790noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6260339482065341923.post-58399588713045250642013-08-21T12:23:00.001-07:002013-08-21T12:23:43.527-07:002013 Ode to a Dead Salmon Winner!The votes have been tallied, and congratulations go out to Kelly Robinson, winner of our 2013 Ode to a Dead Salmon contest, with "This is Just a Text to Say." Thanks to all for reading and voting in this fishy competition!<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>THIS IS JUST A TEXT TO SAY</b></div>
<b></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>by Kelly Robinson</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
i 8</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the salmon</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
that wr n</div>
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the fridge</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
& which</div>
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u bought</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
@ Costco</div>
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4 KT’s thing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
after bookclub</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4 give me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
they wr delicious</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
so pink</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
& so salmony</div>
debvhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02989656208841763294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6260339482065341923.post-18604336419260142412013-08-12T17:43:00.005-07:002013-08-12T18:10:59.779-07:00Vote today! Ode to a Dead Salmon 2013<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->Our judges have spoken, and now it's time for the public to decide which Ode to a Dead Salmon represents the best of the worst.<br />
<br />
From the three finalists below (in reverse alpha order by author), cast your vote in the sidebar poll. Hurry - voting closes at midnight Alaska Standard Time on <b>Monday, Aug. 19</b>. We'll celebrate the winning entry on Aug. 22.<br />
<br />
Here's to dead fish!<br />
<br />
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<b>RIME OF THE ANCIENT TROLLER</b></div>
<b>
</b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>by Lesley Thomas </b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is an ancient Mariner,</div>
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And she stoppeth one of three.</div>
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“By thy long grey locks and putrid coat </div>
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Of slime from ten days on a boat, </div>
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Now wherefore stopp’st thou me?”</div>
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<br /></div>
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A tipsy party on the way </div>
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from happy hour on the quay,</div>
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Blithe and donned in rich array,</div>
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No thoughts of Salmon on this day,</div>
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Landlubber jobs far from fillet. </div>
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<br /></div>
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She holds him with a skinny hand,</div>
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“There was a Fish,” quoth she.</div>
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“Hold off, unhand me, grey-haired loon!”</div>
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Eftsoons her hand dropt she. </div>
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<br /></div>
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She pierced him with an eagle gaze</div>
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Marked by chase of countless days,</div>
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Of midnight sun, and fog and haze.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What is your saga dire to tell?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me by, you scaley hag – </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The socioeconomic role you played</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Under our eight-starred indigo flag</div>
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Of lengthy tale no Fish is worth,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So keep it quick and give us berth!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Water, water, everywhere – “</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“No, about the Salmon, please?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She fixed him with that glittering eye,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His comrades muttered, ill at ease.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Unhappy guest, he beat his breast,</div>
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Yet cannot choose but hear;</div>
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And thus spake on that ancient witch,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The bright-eyed Mariner: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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“My hooks are empty now of King,</div>
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Bottomfeeders are the thing,</div>
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In nets made out of plastic string,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whilst circus ships as big as towns</div>
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Teem with prostitutes and clowns,</div>
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On decks the million tourists cram</div>
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To snap a pretty Instagram,</div>
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My troller now quaint museum piece, </div>
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I’ll sell it off, or maybe lease…</div>
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But an Ode to Salmon I can sing.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“Let me by, you fearsome Dame!” </div>
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She held him yet with eyes of flame.</div>
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<br /></div>
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“Or prophesy of doom I’ll give</div>
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Fast forward from the times we live</div>
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Two decades hence, acidification</div>
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Prevents the tiny shell formation</div>
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Of the foodchain bottoms’ krill,</div>
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And thus the mighty Humpy kill.</div>
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<br /></div>
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“On DHA the world was fed,</div>
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Until the last Sockeye was dead.</div>
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O Paean to Salmon I can chant,</div>
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Of poisoned waters I can rant,</div>
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Though I see you are a shill,</div>
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Who came to live here post oil spill!”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“Unhand me, Crone, I have no time,</div>
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For odes or rants or any rime. “</div>
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<br /></div>
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“Then, Brother, can you spare a dime?”</div>
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<br /></div>
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He went like one that hath been stunned</div>
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By gaff hook on the deck forlorn,</div>
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A sadder and a wiser man,</div>
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He rose the morrow morn. </div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
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<b>THIS IS JUST A TEXT TO SAY</b></div>
<b>
</b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>by Kelly Robinson</b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
i 8</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the salmon</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
that wr n</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the fridge</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
& which</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
u bought</div>
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@ Costco</div>
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4 KT’s thing</div>
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after bookclub</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4 give me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
they wr delicious</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
so pink</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
& so salmony</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>O SALMON, MY SALMON!*</b></div>
<b>
</b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>by Geoff Kirsch and Libby Bakalar</b> </div>
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<br /></div>
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O Salmon! My Salmon! Your fateful trip is done;</div>
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Spent all your milt on every egg along your salmon run;</div>
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The end is near, your stench is clear, some would say
revolting</div>
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With hollow eyes and languid tail, mottled scales a-molting:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But O fin! fin! fin!</div>
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O king, silver, chum, pink, red,</div>
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There on the banks my Salmon lies,</div>
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Fallen cold and dead.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
O Salmon! dead Salmon! Rise up and take my bait;</div>
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Rise up—for you the table’s set—and I must put something on
the plate;</div>
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For you briquettes and marinades—for you some cedar
planking;</div>
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For you they call, my dinner guests, hungry now from
drinking;</div>
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Here Salmon! dear Salmon!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This hook inside your head;</div>
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I’ll pass it off that at my hand</div>
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You’ve fallen cold and dead.</div>
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<br /></div>
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My Salmon does not answer, his hump is pale and still;</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My Salmon does not feel my snag, he has no pulse nor will.</div>
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Manhood anchored safe and sound, the voyage closed and done;</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From angling trip, I still return a victorious fisherman;</div>
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Relax, O self-respecting Alaskans (who wouldn’t dream of
serving spawned out salmon, not even to out-of-towners)!</div>
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I’ll just bring back the head,</div>
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For in the cooler store-bought decoy Salmon lies,</div>
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Filleted and cold and dead.</div>
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<br /></div>
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* With apologies to Walt Whitman and inspired by this past
summer’s release of “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter,” a real dead fish if ever
there was one</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
debvhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02989656208841763294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6260339482065341923.post-9532272553303172392013-07-29T22:05:00.001-07:002013-08-08T17:23:44.347-07:002013 Entries<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Newest entries show first; scroll down to view all. To enter the contest, click <a href="http://www.odetoadeadsalmon.blogspot.com/p/rules.html" target="_blank">here</a>. Entries must be received by Aug. 5. Finalists will be posted on Aug. 12.</span></b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ODE TO A DEAD SALMON: TWO PERSPECTIVES</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(with apologies to James Russell Lowell)</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">by Susi Gregg Fowler </span></b><br />
<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Mine</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Oh, what is so foul as a midsummer day?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Then, if ever, the putrid reigns,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">when the wind brings a stench</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">that will make your teeth clench,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">and even the atheists pray </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">for a wind to blow in that does not smell of skin</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">and the fetid, raw scent of decay…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">and the faithful, on knees, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">beg the gods-pretty please</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">take this godawful smell far away.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>My Dog’s</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Oh, what is so grim as late summer time? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Then, if ever, the crazies reign.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I cannot comprehend</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">why I seem to offend</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">when clearly, dead fish smell sublime.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">When I’ve rolled (ah, delight) in dead chum, it’s not right</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">to condemn me as if it’s a crime.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">First she screeches, “No! No!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Then comes the real blow—</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She scrubs off all that glorious slime!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>ODE TO AN INTERESTING NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE FOR A SALMON</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>by Clint Farr</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The salmon looked at me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And both of us could see,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">One of us would die that day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I caught her on the fly</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sure it was she who would die.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What happened next, only I can say.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">There was that first inkling,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My day would be stinking,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">When the hook let loose into my face.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">To my short lived but lasting regret,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A bear became understandably upset,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">By a scream to wilt a wedding bouquet.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Alas my end did not come</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">At the claws of a mighty bruin,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But an attack of a swarming wasp gang.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">See, my still heart relaxes</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Less bear; more anaphylaxis.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The bastard bumped the stingers’ hideaway.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So dead as glass I lay.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Not fish - but me - that day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The salmon a free and pristine piscine runaway.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The salmon looked at me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And both of us could see.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">One of us, would die, that day.</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">THIS IS JUST A TEXT TO SAY</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">by Kelly Robinson</span></b><br />
<br />
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<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
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</xml><![endif]--><br />
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<style>
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{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
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mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
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<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">i 8</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">the salmon</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">that wr n</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">the fridge</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">& which</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">u bought</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">@ Costco</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">4 KT’s thing</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">after bookclub</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">4 give me</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">they wr delicious</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">so pink</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">& so salmony</span></div>
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
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{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
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mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
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</style>
<![endif]-->
</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ODE</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">by Barbara Belknap</span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
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</xml><![endif]--></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
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{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
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mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
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</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Her dorsal is ripped,<br />
The adipose in tatters,<br />
Clutch of eggs long gone,<br />
Nothing really matters.</span></div>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">ODE TO DEAD SALMON</span></b></div>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">by Barbara Waters</span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">O salmon, my salmon</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You rush upstream</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Seeking space</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Homing in by</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">An innate sense</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Of place – of time</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">O salmon, my salmon</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Your urge for mate</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Meets my urge to</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Fill my freezer</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Who will win this day?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Who will last longer?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">O salmon, my salmon</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Tasty with lemon</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And dill</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A touch of horseradish</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Your nobility reduced</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">To gastric pleasure</span></div>
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">ODE TO A DEAD AND DOOMED SALMON</span></span></b></div>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span></b>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">by Lou Lehmann </span></span></b></div>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span></b>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span></b>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It was a dark and stormy night in a Transylvanian castle</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When Dr. Frankenstein said to Igor, his vassal</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“That corpse that you purloined<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>had a defective head</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So I sliced it off and decided as it bled</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">That you must venture forth and get a replacement</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">For the monster that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m making down in the basement”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So Igor descended to search in the village</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Hoping to find another body to pillage</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">But alas, he found none and knew not what to do</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When a peddler appeared and said “I can help you -</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
For I heard that you searched and no corpse did you find</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
But I have an alternative, though not of mankind</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
And it may not be just what Frankenstein might<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>wish</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
But tell him to consider making his monster part fish</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Because<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve got
a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>big dead salmon stored in my cart</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Whose head he could have because that doctor’s so smart”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
He could attach it with ease to that poor headless chump</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Sewing it ever so securely to his bloody neck stump”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Well, poor Igor was desperate so he purchased that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>head </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
And then told Frankenstein what the peddler had said</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
The good doctor screamed and ranted and raved</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
“ I have<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>no human
head for the corpse that I’ve saved</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Just a glassy-eyed head from a salmon now stinking</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
What the hell, Igor, could you have been thiniking?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
But the storm was now raging, it was ever so frightening</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
And Frankenstein knew that he needed the lightning</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Which would appear only briefly, his monster to zap</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
And his experiment he surely did not want to scrap</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
So the headless corpse they brought up from below</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
And upon it that salmon head they then did bestow</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
To a table they<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>strapped that thing with no feeling</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
And apprehensively opened the castle’s ceiling</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Then the monster was struck with a lightening bolt</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Surging life into its body with every volt</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Part-salmon, part human, the creature then rose</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Breaking its bonds, then scratching its toes</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
“What have you done to me?” the monster then cried</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Do I have the soul of a man or a fish deep inside?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Should I be on the land or should I be in the sea?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
But that’s not the worst that you have done to me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Far worse than this body, I now have no home<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
And I’m doomed<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to
be remembered in this atrocious poem.”<br />
<br /></div>
</span></span><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
AN ODE TO SPAWNING BUCK SALMON</span></span></b>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">by Kersten Christianson </span></span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Oh, Buck Salmon, you mighty leaper -</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">king, silver, sockeye, chum and pink – tasty meat!</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Anadromous being and populous ocean creeper,</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">finding your natal, freshwater stream is quite a feat.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">You dodge the teeth of orca, the speed of sea lion,</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">and the crafty ruse of humans with fishing line and puppet
herring.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Transformative in nature, your return to river makes you a
new man</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">blindly following the hens with your flashy kype, shiny like
Orion,</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">almost shape shifting with strong color-change bearing.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Egg fertilization and fellow salmon-littered bank stink is all
part of the stock generating plan.</span></span><span style="mso-tab-count: 6;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 6;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">RIME OF THE ANCIENT TROLLER</span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">by Lesley Thomas </span></span></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It is an ancient
Mariner,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And she stoppeth
one of three.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“By thy long
grey locks and putrid coat </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Of slime from
ten days on a boat, </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now wherefore
stopp’st thou me?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A tipsy party on
the way </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">from happy hour
on the quay,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Blithe and
donned in rich array,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">No thoughts of
Salmon on this day,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Landlubber jobs
far from fillet. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">She holds him
with a skinny hand,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“There was a
Fish,” quoth she.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“Hold off,
unhand me, grey-haired loon!”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Eftsoons her
hand dropt she. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">She pierced him
with an eagle gaze</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Marked by chase
of countless days,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Of midnight sun,
and fog and haze.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“What is your
saga dire to tell?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Let me by, you
scaley hag – </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
socioeconomic role you played</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Under our
eight-starred indigo flag</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Of lengthy tale
no Fish is worth,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So keep it quick
and give us berth!”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“Water, water,
everywhere – “</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“No, about the
Salmon, please?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">She fixed him
with that glittering eye,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">His comrades
muttered, ill at ease.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Unhappy guest,
he beat his breast,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Yet cannot
choose but hear;</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And thus spake
on that ancient witch,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The bright-eyed
Mariner: </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“My hooks are
empty now of King,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Bottomfeeders
are the thing,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In nets made out
of plastic string,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Whilst circus
ships as big as towns</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Teem with
prostitutes and clowns,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">On decks the
million tourists cram</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">To snap a pretty
Instagram,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My troller now
quaint museum piece, </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’ll sell it
off, or maybe lease…</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">But an Ode to
Salmon I can sing.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“Let me by, you
fearsome Dame!” </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">She held him yet
with eyes of flame.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“Or prophesy of
doom I’ll give</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Fast forward
from the times we live</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Two decades
hence, acidification</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Prevents the
tiny shell formation</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Of the foodchain
bottoms’ krill,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> And thus the mighty Humpy kill.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“On DHA the
world was fed,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Until the last
Sockeye was dead.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">O Paean to
Salmon I can chant,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Of poisoned waters
I can rant,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Though I see you
are a shill,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Who came to live
here post oil spill!”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“Unhand me,
Crone, I have no time,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">For odes or
rants or any rime. “</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“Then, Brother,
can you spare a dime?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">He went like one
that hath been stunned</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">By gaff hook on
the deck forlorn,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A sadder and a
wiser man,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">He rose the
morrow morn.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<b><br /></b><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
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</xml><![endif]-->
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<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";}
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<![endif]--><b>
</b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">O SALMON, MY SALMON!*</span></b></div>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">by Geoff Kirsch and Libby Bakalar </span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">O Salmon! My Salmon! Your fateful trip is done;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Spent all your milt on every egg along your salmon run;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The end is near, your stench is clear, some would say
revolting</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">With hollow eyes and languid tail, mottled scales a-molting:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But O fin! fin! fin!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">O king, silver, chum, pink, red,</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">There on the banks my Salmon lies,</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Fallen cold and dead.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">O Salmon! dead Salmon! Rise up and take my bait;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Rise up—for you the table’s set—and I must put something on
the plate;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">For you briquettes and marinades—for you some cedar
planking;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">For you they call, my dinner guests, hungry now from
drinking;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Here Salmon! dear Salmon!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This hook inside your head;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’ll pass it off that at my hand</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You’ve fallen cold and dead.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My Salmon does not answer, his hump is pale and still;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My Salmon does not feel my snag, he has no pulse nor will.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Manhood anchored safe and sound, the voyage closed and done;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">From angling trip, I still return a victorious fisherman;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Relax, O self-respecting Alaskans (who wouldn’t dream of
serving spawned out salmon, not even to out-of-towners)!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’ll just bring back the head,</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">For in the cooler store-bought decoy Salmon lies,</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Filleted and cold and dead.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">* With apologies to Walt Whitman and inspired by this past
summer’s release of “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter,” a real dead fish if ever
there was one</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">LIMERICK</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>By Robert Jaro</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> </b> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I once had a girlfriend named Nellie</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One day she turned up quite smelly</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She ate some old fish</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was quite a dish</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was the end of poor Nellie.</span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>RECYCLED</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">by Marilyn E.
Wheeless</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Seagulls screech and argue over</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">dead and rotting salmon, vying</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">for the victim's choicest sections</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and bantering with stomachs full.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ravens chortle from the tree tops,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ragged wings attest to scrapes over</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">what the gulls reluctantly</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">relinquish after gluttony.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Eagles sit in silent judgment,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">droping like stones among the </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">crowd below, setting off a cacophony</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of noisy protest but no real dispute.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Silvery salmon, mottled and bruised </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">by life. To
such an end, spawned-out</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">prey for vicious beaks and talons,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">returning, ultimately, to earth. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>LIFE GOES ON</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>b<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">y Marilyn E.
Wheeless</span></b> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Seagulls cry, wheeling, flapping,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a tempo matched by </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">salmon flopping.
Gasping</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">one last breath before</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">seagull's beak, bone-hard, yellow</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">twitches flesh from</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">slender bodies.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Feeding generations yet unborn</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">from generations ending.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Spawned-out salmon,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">dying. Life
goes on.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>HAIKU</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>by Barbara Waters </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The reds are coming</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Caught by hook or by dip net</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Smokers are smoking</span></div>
</div>
debvhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02989656208841763294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6260339482065341923.post-9897782841140899222013-07-12T17:14:00.001-07:002013-07-13T15:01:59.239-07:00Annual "Ode to a Dead Salmon" bad writing contest accepting entries July 23 - Aug. 5<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Summer's
in full swing, the fish are running, and you know what that means: the
hugely popular "Ode to a Dead Salmon" bad writing contest is back for
its fourth season.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://www.odetoadeadsalmon.blogspot.com/2012/08/2012-finalists-vote-now.html" style="color: #2288bb; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6131bd;">Take a look at last year's finalists</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">, sharpen your pencils and follow that smell. We want your best worst writing, submitted to <a href="mailto:runningfoxbooks@gmail.com">runningfoxbooks@gmail.com</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">between <b>July 23 and </b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>August 5, 2013</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">The idea for the contest, which began in 2010, came from</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://49writers.blogspot.com/2008/12/authenticity-politics-failed-novels-and.html" style="color: #2288bb; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #6131bd;">a 49 Writers interview with Alaska's former Writer Laureate Nancy Lord</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">,
who said that in her early years of writing she realized that she
needed to get beyond mining the same myths - 'odes to dead salmon,' poet
John Haines once called them. This year, the good folks at <a href="http://www.49writingcenter.com/">49 Writers</a> have bequeathed the Ode to a Dead Salmon bad writing contest to us at <a href="http://www.runningfoxbooks.com/" target="_blank">Running Fox Books</a>.
We think it's a perfect fit. Our office is in Alaska, and we like to
think we have a nose for bad writing, since it's what we've set out to
conquer with a venture that aggregates quality books.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">In past years, the Ode to a Dead Salmon contest has attracted bad writing from all over the world. No matter how stinky, every submission gets its day in the sun, posted here for the world to enjoy. And our rotten winners have gotten some great press, including a write-up in</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://www.alaskamagazine.com/" style="color: #2288bb; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #6131bd;">Alaska Magazine</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">So </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">it's
time to do it all over again. We want your best tongue-in-cheek "Ode to
a Dead Salmon" bad writing, poetry or prose, fiction or non. We'll
publish all entries at our</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://odetoadeadsalmon.blogspot.com/" style="color: #2288bb; text-decoration: none;">Ode to a Dead Salmon webpage</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">so the world can read them, and we'll post the finalists here, with links from the <a href="http://www.runningfoxbooks.com/" target="_blank">Running Fox website</a> and all the usual social media places. And yes, there's a prize: the winner receives a <a href="http://store.trollart.com/home.php?cat=1" target="_blank">Ray Troll t-shirt</a> of their choice</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">. But the main goal, of course, is to have fun.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">The rules:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">1. We reserve the right to exclude entries deemed unfit for posting. (But if you don't receive an email confirmation of your submission, do let us know at <a href="mailto:runningfoxbooks@gmail.com">runningfoxbooks@gmail.com</a>.)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">2. We need your real name and real email address. If you want your entry to be posted under a pseudonym or left anonymous, make that clear in your email.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">3. No more than three entries per person.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">4. No more than 800 words per entry (shorter is just fine with us: limerick, haiku, opening lines).</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">5. Entries must be your own original work.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">6. You keep the copyright, of course, but by entering you're giving us permission to post.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">7. This is our contest. We make the rules (that's the beauty of blogging, folks), and the rules may change as we see fit. We'll let you know if they do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">8. We accept only Word documents or submissions embedded in the email text. Submissions MUST be single spaced, Times New Roman, with NO paragraph indentations; instead of indenting, please space between paragraphs. <b>If the formatting is not correct, your submission will not be considered.</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">9. All entries must be emailed to</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="mailto:49writingcenter@gmail.com" style="color: #2288bb;"><span style="color: #6131bd;">runningfoxbooks@gmail.com</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">by midnight on</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b> August 5</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>, 2013</b>. Finalists will be posted on <b>August 12</b>, and voting ends <b>August 19, </b>with official recognition of the winner on <b>August 22.</b>.</span>debvhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02989656208841763294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6260339482065341923.post-83632391230536586042012-08-13T08:10:00.000-07:002012-08-13T08:10:42.163-07:00And the winner is...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieBdFRyOMRfixJkVjqb5wTjff1cUGncpYDU4OKwYTGhD4L-zm_ZSLJvGo0d6zAOCDObydOrmNN5TJcguT4_pQhSbYE2YDcfRH32sOsrjYzbq_rJ3RRmc7NBOS-sz29Gi6j1bDCgYBe3_RC/s1600/Alaska+Salmon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieBdFRyOMRfixJkVjqb5wTjff1cUGncpYDU4OKwYTGhD4L-zm_ZSLJvGo0d6zAOCDObydOrmNN5TJcguT4_pQhSbYE2YDcfRH32sOsrjYzbq_rJ3RRmc7NBOS-sz29Gi6j1bDCgYBe3_RC/s320/Alaska+Salmon.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Our readers have spoken, and "One fish, two fish, red fish, more red fish" surged ahead in the final few days to win this year's Ode to a Dead Salmon contest. This fishy homage to Dr. Seuss captured the spirit of the challenge to produce clever bad writing with a distinctly Alaskan flavor, and clearly secured your votes for that reason. Congratulations to the pseudonymous Sam N. Cook, a writer we can vouch for who prefers to remain anonymous! We must also congratulate Lee Goodman for making the final three with not one but two witty entries, which were widely enjoyed.<br />
<br />
Thank you to everyone who submitted entries, to all of you who participated in the voting, and to our judges Nancy Lord and Bill Sherwonit. And thank you, Ray Troll, for donating a signed t-shirt to our winner.<br />
<br />
For your reading pleasure, here again is our winning entry:<br />
<br />
<b>One fish, two fish, red fish, more red fish</b><br />
<br />
By Sam N. Cook<br />
<br />
Cooler of blue<br />
salmon of red<br />
Now they’re alive,<br />
soon they’ll be dead.<br />
<br />
Blood lust be howlin’<br />
under the clouds<br />
Our neighboring netters<br />
are boisterous and loud.<br />
<br />
It’s not yet eleven<br />
but that one dude is drunk<br />
and hollering at me<br />
to come check out his trunk<br />
<br />
full of fish I should envy<br />
but I cannot go near<br />
‘cuz it’s way too early<br />
to smell that much beer.<br />
<br />
Veering away<br />
toward my friends and our nets<br />
How is it possible,<br />
I think with regret,<br />
<br />
twenty years an Alaskan<br />
but first time dipnetting.<br />
It’s a regional ritual<br />
I’m finally getting.<br />
<br />
An hour and a half and<br />
we’re already done<br />
with ten fish for the two of us.<br />
But the fun’s just begun.<br />
<br />
Did I mention I did not<br />
grow up around fish,<br />
nor gutting, nor cleaning,<br />
and hours later I wish<br />
<br />
we had just stopped at five.<br />
But we’re not that bright,<br />
so we two first-timers<br />
were up late that night.<br />
<br />
Would I do it again?<br />
In a heartbeat I’m thinking,<br />
but next time around,<br />
I too will be drinking.<br />
49 Writershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16668373336251297790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6260339482065341923.post-90563540140391400262012-08-06T08:32:00.001-07:002012-08-06T13:48:32.869-07:002012 Finalists - Vote Now!<br />
The judges have decided! Here at last are the three finalists from this year's run of the best in bad prose and poetry. Thank you to everyone who took up the challenge and sent us their cleverly contrived entries - we certainly had a lot of fun reading them and hope you did too - all entries are posted below. Congratulations to our two finalists, the pseudonymous "Sam N. Cook" and Lee Goodman for entering into the spirit of the occasion so well. And thank you to our two judges, Nancy Lord and Bill Sherwonit, who graciously reprised their roles as Alaska's arbiters of tongue-in-cheek literary bad taste.<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">We have been unable to set up a poll link, so please email your choice to 49writers@gmail.com. All voting will be held in strictest confidence. </span> Results will be announced here and on the 49 Writers blog on Monday, August 13.</span><br />
<br />
2012 FINALISTS<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;">One fish, two fish, red fish, more red fish<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
By “Sam N. Cook”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Cooler of blue<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
salmon of red<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Now they’re alive,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
soon they’ll be dead.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blood lust be howlin’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
under the clouds<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Our neighboring netters<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
are boisterous and loud.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It’s not yet eleven<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
but that one dude is drunk<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
and hollering at me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
to come check out his trunk<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
full of fish I should envy<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
but I cannot go near<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
‘cuz it’s way too early<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
to smell that much beer.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Veering away<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
toward my friends and our nets<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
How is it possible,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I think with regret,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
twenty years an Alaskan<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
but first time dipnetting.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It’s a regional ritual<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’m finally getting.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
An hour and a half and<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
we’re already done<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
with ten fish for the two of us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
But the fun’s just begun.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Did I mention I did not<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
grow up around fish,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
nor gutting, nor cleaning,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
and hours later I wish<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
we had just stopped at five.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
But we’re not that bright,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
so we two first-timers<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
were up late that night.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
Would I do it again?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In a heartbeat I’m thinking,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
but next time around,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I too will be drinking.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
---<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;">Ode to a Dead Salmon 1<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">By Lee Goodman<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">A salmon that rots in the silt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">Is like Onan whose seed would soon wilt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">Onan wanted no lads,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">But the fish wanted scads,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">So into the silt both spilt milt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>---<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21px;">Ode to a Dead Salmon 2<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
By Lee Goodman<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">I love salmon, I said with a smile,</span><span style="color: #222222;"><br /><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Not knowing this fish had turned vile</span><br /><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">So appetite whetted,</span><br /><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">I ate what was fetid</span><br /><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">And barfed till I only had bile.</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>---<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />49 Writershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16668373336251297790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6260339482065341923.post-60738303702013688212012-08-01T14:16:00.000-07:002012-08-03T08:32:29.519-07:00Our 2012 contestants<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Owed to a
Dead Salmon<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
By “Anjha”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Here<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
we’re
known for throwing them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Rubber-gloved
gutters in aprons, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
shaved
ice-packed boxes<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
line the market and appear in
commercials.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
We are
known for our dead salmon throwers.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
where
salmon die, not for novelty<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
or the
amusement of Pike Place shoppers,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
you are known for catching them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Rough,
terrifying waters<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
bastardized by television
production;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
endless
living rooms filled with voyeurs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Then<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
they used
to worship them<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(they
remembered they swam in their veins) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
swimming upstream, red, ripe <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
bursting
with future generations<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
of dead
salmon.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Now<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
we close
the runs early -<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
still
thinking we’re singing the song.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The music
plays from the gills of the salmon<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Ode to Dead Water<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Dead Earth<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Dead Air.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b>---<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Ode
to a Dead Salmon<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
By
Mary Albanese<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I
snagged the great beast, it was thrilling<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
As
he darted and dived, water spilling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
He
put up a fight<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But
was skunked by my might<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Now
his corpse on my barbie is chilling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
---<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">One fish,
two fish, red fish, more red fish<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
By “Sam N.
Cook”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Cooler of
blue<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
salmon of
red<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Now
they’re alive,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
soon
they’ll be dead.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Blood lust
be howlin’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
under the
clouds<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Our
neighboring netters<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
are
boisterous and loud.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
It’s not
yet eleven<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
but that
one dude is drunk<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
and
hollering at me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
to come
check out his trunk<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
full of
fish I should envy<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
but I
cannot go near<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
‘cuz it’s
way too early<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
to smell
that much beer.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Veering
away<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
toward my
friends and our nets<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
How is it
possible,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I think
with regret,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
twenty
years an Alaskan<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
but first
time dipnetting.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
It’s a
regional ritual<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’m
finally getting. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
An hour
and a half and<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
we’re
already done<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
with ten
fish for the two of us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But the
fun’s just begun.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Did I
mention I did not<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
grow up
around fish,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
nor
gutting, nor cleaning,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
and hours
later I wish<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
we had
just stopped at five.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But we’re
not that bright,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
so we two
first-timers<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
were up
late that night.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Would I do
it again?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
In a
heartbeat I’m thinking,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
but next
time around,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I too will
be drinking.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
---<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Ode to a
Dead Salmon<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
By Matt
Shields<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I never
ode nothing to a dead salmon. That’s just dumb. First, how could you even owe
something to a LIVE salmon? What, you borrowed money from it? Salmon don’t need
money. What, it saved your life and you owe him big time? Right, how? You were
drowning and he swam up and gave you a ride like a dolphin?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Whoever
thought up this contest is either dumb or they are not thinking right. If you
can’t owe something to a LIVE salmon, then how could you owe something to a
DEAD salmon.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’m trying
to be a serious writer so I enter contests, cause that is the way you get
noticed. And I heard that the 49<sup>th</sup> Writers people are serious
writers, so naturally I wanted to be a part of what they are doing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
No thanks.
Who is going to read a story about someone owing money or their life to a
salmon that’s dead?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Not me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Unless
they are trying to get you to write essentially, like the essentialists
Dostoyevsky or Nietzsche. That’s another thing, you have to be well read to
write. And I am. It is so frustrating not having an outlet for my talent.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
No one is
going to take my complaint seriously, but that is okay. You know why? Because I
am going to post it on Facebook, and then all 326 of my personal close friends
will realize how difficult it is to be a good writer.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Fine. You
win. I need the money. Here is my entry:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Ode to a
dead salmon: Exactly one dollar and fifty-three cents for the Three Musketeers
bar (including sales tax) that I lent the stinking, rotting carcass of a humpy
I befriended at the bus depot… “<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Aarggh!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’m sorry.
I just can’t do this. I do have some self-respect.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
---<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Why Hast Thou Forsaken
Salmon?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">By
Lesley Thomas<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Down on the soughing
wild grasses<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Six geologists drunk on
their asses<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Toast the largest
manmade structure on Earth<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Their own mommas sad
they gave them birth<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What does this have to
do with fish?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If only if only it did
not, we wish<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Pebble oh Pebble, sighs
the boss<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Sockeye slips down
from the Cross<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And lies a skeleton upon
the shore<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">and washed away, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">is seen no more<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A second coming not in
store<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wind blows insane across
the tailings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A scientist disgorges
off the railings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Capitalists frolic in
the deadly water<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Gone is Bear and Fish,
gone is Otter<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Only one villager got
paid<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Several of the miners
got laid.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
---<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">A
Portly Run of Salmon<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
By Dennis Lattery<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
A portly run of salmon, especially the lowly Pink,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
That returns to our pristine rivers should give us all some pause
to think.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Although the smell is gamey, especially if the river drops,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
It’s a fact that nothings wasted in the scheme of nature’s crops.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
We pride ourselves by thinking that waste is just to you and me;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
But if you quarried Eagles, Hawks and Seagulls they would surely
not agree.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
The Otters, Mink, and Martin take some part of what’s behind<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
And the fetid flesh of parents feeds a generation of its kind.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
So if you feel a stomach tightness and revulsion at the smell<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Just remember it’s in the scheme of things that salmon go to hell.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b>---<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Salmon in
the Trees</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
By Amy
Marshall<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Note from author: Excerpt from a short story entitled “Salmon In
The Trees” (with apologies to Amy Gulick and Ray Troll). Radiation from the
Fukushima Power Plant meltdown has played havoc on the ocean’s ecosystem! Worse
yet, THE SALMON HAVE RETURNED TO ALASKA! This is a B-Movie homage complete with
Alaskans, Fishermen, Federal Fisheries Biologists, and Zombie Salmon!<span style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .3in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .2in;">
“You’re
so full of it, Ben,” Marla scoffs. She pokes a stick into the campfire. Beyond
the circle of light, the river rushes by.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Yeah,”
Liz agrees. “This is the part where you scream ‘BEHIND YOU!’”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
The
friends laugh.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“It’s
true,” Ben insists. He clicks off the flashlight he had held beneath his chin
during the telling of the tale.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Radiation
from Fukushima,” chuckles Paul. “You’re a riot.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“It
is true,” Ben continues to insist. He leans forward conspiratorially. “Missing
fishermen. Weird goings on. Why do you think this section of the river’s been
closed?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Demon
salmon,” Liz starts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Irradiated
salmon,” Ben corrects her.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Lame,”
Marla snorts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Liz
rolls her eyes and scoots a little closer to Paul who smiles and drapes an arm
around her.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Zombie
salmon,” Paul chuckles. He pecks at Liz’s cheek.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“And
they’ve spawned.” Ben nods seriously. He gestures upstream with a toss of his
head. “They’ve got the fry at the hatchery.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Undead
baby salmon?” Paul smiles around the lip of his beer bottle. “Dude, you’re
deranged.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“You
think I’d camp here if there are killer salmon?” Marla always was the blunt
one.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Aren’t
you curious?” Ben’s eyes shine in the firelight. “Don’t you wonder how Bill and
Michele disappeared?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Paul’s
smile fades and he lowers the bottle. “They aren’t the first to go off into the
woods and not come back.” He casts a furtive glance around the campfire.
“Doesn’t mean some zombie salmon ate their brains.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“More
likely a bear,” Marla offers.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Paul
frowns. “Zombie bear?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“It’s sad,” Liz agrees. “And you’re a jerk to
make up a story like that.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Ben
smiles benignly. He makes a theater of a stretch. “I’m tired.” He scratches
briefly at his blond hair. “I’m gonna hit the hay.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
The
silence that greets his announcement is deafening.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“You
guys are no fun anymore,” Ben chuckles as he rises to his feet and turns from
the fire.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: .3in;">
****<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“What’s
wrong?” Paul grumbles groggily inside his sleeping bag.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Liz
sighs and sits up. “I can’t sleep.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“C’m on, babe,” his voice is heavy with sleep.
“Just cuddle. I’ll keep you safe.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Liz
fidgets. “I gotta pee.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Paul
snorts through a snore. “Don’t let the zombie salmon get you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Liz
slaps at the top of Paul’s head.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Ow!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Jerk.
Be glad I didn’t aim lower.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Outside,
the moonlight spills across the river. Liz shivers as she moves away from the
tents. Ben’s snore is a chainsaw. No surprise there. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
<i>Zombie salmon.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
There’s
nothing like a good pee in the woods. Liz hesitates, looking back toward the
river.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Flick.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
A
solitary figure casts across the water. A ghastly white hand guides the line.
Liz’s brow furrows. Her hand is flat against the trunk of a cedar. The solitary
figure does not turn.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Liz
glances back at the tents. She moves cautiously forward. Her throat is dry. She
can feel her heart race.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Hello?”
she ventures.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Flick.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Liz
chews at her lip. “Hello?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
The
figure hesitates. Liz watches the fly rod falter slightly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Are
you all right?” Liz feels herself moving toward the river, toward the moonlit
figure.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“We’re
fine here.” The voice is an echo.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“We?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
A
rasping breath behind her raises the hairs on the back of her neck. “Like
this.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Run!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Paul
startles from his sleep, struggles from his sleeping bag.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Run!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
Marla
and Ben scramble from their tent. Ben struggles to his feet and catches at Liz.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Liz!”
his voice is desperate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Run!”
Liz wails.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“Oh,
my God, what is it?” Marla breathes. Paul staggers from his tent and turns.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“It’s
them.” His eyes widen.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
The
creature takes a rasping breath. “We are in the river.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
“All
of us.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
The
four friends turn abruptly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
The
thing that was Michele leans closer. “Like this.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .3in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">---</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Ode to a Dead Salmon 1<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">By Lee Goodman<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">A salmon that rots in the silt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Is like Onan whose seed would soon wilt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Onan wanted no lads,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">But the fish wanted scads,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">So into the silt both spilt milt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>---<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Ode to a
Dead Salmon 2<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
By Lee
Goodman<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I love salmon, I said with a smile,</span><span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">Not knowing this fish had turned vile</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">So appetite whetted,</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">I ate what was fetid</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">And barfed till I only had bile.</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>---<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Salmon Rapture<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">By Lynn Black<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Elegant salmon in sweet
repose,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Why does your visage
offend my nose?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Olfactory buds scream a
denial,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Of your sudden
death without a fair trial.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Snuffed in the prime of
your young salmon life,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Nature and man put an
end to your strife.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Your legacy lingers to
this very day,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Compounded by an odor that
won't go away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b>---<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Stinky Pink<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Jim Thiele<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most people thought Bob was a nice guy, but he could be a real ass
at times. I don’t know if he was just
thoughtless, or if he was arrogant, but he could rub you the wrong way. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I won’t detail the event that pushed me over the edge. In retrospect, I should have just let it
go. But my mother used to say “don’t get
mad, get even”. I’ve even said that
myself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
--<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We went fishing out of Whittier and stopped to take a photo of a
nice little waterfall just before coming back to town. A small run of pink salmon was in the creek
and it was easy to grab a small male that had been chased into the
shallows. He was kind of beat up and
kind of a runt, so I didn’t feel I was depriving the world of his
offspring. I tossed him in the freezer,
guts and all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
--<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later in the summer, Bob went up to Willow to visit his niece – he
had an old Harley motorcycle and it was a nice day for a ride. He also had an old Ford F150 pickup – the
kind with the half-baked crew cab with little fold up seats. That space served mostly as a trash bin for
Bob. He would lock up his bike, but he
never locked his car. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The back of those crew cab seats is attached directly to the wall
of the cab. If you know the trick, it is
really easy to pop them off. There is a
little bit of space between the cushion and the cab wall – just enough for a
small pink salmon stuffed into an orange Anchorage Daily News bag. It is a
tight fit, and you may have to do a little trimming, but it will fit. If you sit in the seat you might notice a
bump in the back, but nobody sits in a trash bin.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
--<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately the first benefactor of this effort was Bob’s dog
Bo. I saw him tied up out in the yard –
he was never tied up. Bob said “he must
have eaten something real bad…I took him to town yesterday and he had the worst
farts he has ever had, and you know that dog – he has bad ones already.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A day later I saw Bob out there washing Bo down. He had enough Johnsons Baby Shampoo on that
dog to do the preschool class. “That
damn dog musta rolled in something”, I was told. I was glad Bo was a water dog…he actually
seemed to enjoy the scrub.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple days later Bob was out there with his pressure
washer. He had gone to West Marine and
bought something called PINE POWER –The Concentrated boat wash. He was going over the Ford, including the
floor mats. He had a small bucket and
had hit the dash and the inside of the doors.
It was kinda nice…the whole neighborhood smelled like Colorado.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
---<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Oncorhynchus<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">By Dar Joseph<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Chinook, Chum, Coho,
Pink, & Sockeye<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fresh water birth, ocean
bound, olfactory memory, our natal streams are found<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Egg, alvin, fry, parr,
smolt, adult, spawning adult<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Troll caught, gillnet
& purse seine that’s the commercial game. Hey! sport<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Coastal streams, rugged
rivers, miles of rapids, waterfalls to leap.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Alaska's Kings, Dogs,
Silvers, Humpys, Red, maybe white all fresh & wild<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Abundance variety about,
Rainbow trout<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Great off the grill,
baked, smoked, dried, fried, let a receipt decide,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Spawning, egg laying,
fertilizing the stream then off to die in your natal stream.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b>---<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Santiago in
the Studio<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By Jean Bundy<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
It is a
gray blustery day and white caps are visible from my beach shack. OK…it’s a
typical Anchorage July with my house fan whirring and two toy poodles are
wrestling on a lawn across the street. I’m in my studio painting salmon imagery
onto medical lab coats for a fundraiser, the new Neighborhood Health Center
soon in Midtown. Fishing is not my
thing, well, only if someone invites me, which hasn’t been in ages. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I rummage
through books on Alaska’s sea creatures and print some examples off Google.
What would a painter/writer like me do without Wikipedia? Lab coats aren’t flat like stretched canvas.
They wriggle and bounce as I pencil on a fish and begin to mix some paint,
besides I don’t know what color a salmon really is. They seem pink with grey
skin when picking out a pound or two at Costco, much easier and I don’t have to
hit the plastic package on the head! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I phoned
my son-in-law who is dangling from a beam off his house. He’s adding a roof to
a porch so my daughter’s terrier won’t get her feet wet this winter. “I don’t
know,” he repeats several times, “…all I know is that they get all torn up a
lot when swimming up stream.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Realizing
that salmon are more three dimensional than what a Google search delivers,
visiting the local tackle shop might be a good idea. I show up on a Sunday
morning, clearly when everyone was doing more than fishing the night before. Strolling
down aisles and looking at all the glo-in-the-dark-hook-do-hickies and drawers
of plastic-ball-thingies is kinda like looking at rows of oil pastels in an art
shoppe. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
“It’s ok
Miss, a not too hung over clerk assures me, “artists come here all the time to
make jewelry.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Do you
think I could photograph your mounted fish?” pointing to an array on the wall,
all looking like they just jumped out of water ready for a fishy beauty pageant. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I look
around for my husband who has the camera. He can operate our Sony better than
me, I’m always asking him what button needs pushing. I spot him cowering behind
racks of rods and reels. <br />
<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
“ C’mon,
we don’t know anyone in the store,” I plead.
He hands me the camera as photographing stuffed fish apparently isn’t a
macho thing do. So I proceed to click
away, politely sliding myself in between serious conversations about bait and
hooks, “Hey lady, why don’t you catch a real fish!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Now I’m
beginning to understand why my husband remains camouflaged behind pricey foul
weather gear.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Back at my
studio I’m trying to merge some reddish salmon from Google along with photos of
wall mounted fish from the tackle shop. I get out my 2B pencil and start
sketching on the sleeve of the lab coat. Mixing up some paynes gray, I begin
outlining. In order to get a purchase on the fabric, I have to slip my arm down
the sleeve which causes splotches on a now not-so-clean coat that won’t stop
wriggling around. I imagine myself as
Santiago, no Ernest Hemingway, no Spencer Tracy. I wrestle with the sleeve trying to get the
hook onto the beak of the fish, just right (I’m sure beak isn’t the correct
word for what’s on a fish face but, hell, I’m not Ernest Hemingway either). I
add white to my paynes gray and scramble for the tube of magenta and cadmium
red to get some color onto the belly of my salmon. I’m grappling with hanging
onto the sleeve while waves of paint continue to slap my arm. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Just then
sharks appear on my work table! They approach my arm, jaws open! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Really
guys, it’s a faux fish!” I cry out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
They back
off and roll onto my palette. Don’t worry Ernest, it’s only Winslow and Phylly,
my two Maine Coons and not your Gulf sharks about to eat my very two
dimensional fish and spoil your epic. By now blood is dripping off my worktable
onto the floor. OK, it’s the cats splashing and pawing my dirty paint water. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I remove
my arm from the sleeve and hang up the lab coat to see how it looks. It’s still
full of splotches which need to be removed somehow, I sigh. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The sun is
beginning to burn through the gray sky and the poodles across the street have
been called inside. Like Santiago-Tracy
I am becalmed as I stare at where to place another salmon or add a mollusk or
two for variety. I return to my workbench to cut bait, mixing more pink and
gray for the second coat on the salmon, letting the splotches become the
endless sea.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b>---<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">Death of a
Salmon</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">By Carla Beam<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
Spawn of a Norwegian fisherman, my mother despised salmon...their smell, the slime of their skins, the scales that stuck, shimmering their presence long after the fish were fileted. She told me tales of their treachery, warning me to watch for the spiny little bones that might become lodged in my throat, causing a slow death by choking. <br />
<br />
Her father sailed north from Seattle each summer and some winters, to harvest halibut, herring, salmon and cod. The herring he pickled; most of the rest was sold. Somehow, each season, a sufficient surplus of salmon survived, to be transformed into gelatinous masses, which were soaked in lye and served during the long, dark winters of the Depression. They made her gag. <br />
<br />
She married a landlubber from a place with no seas. She met him in the Cascade Mountains. She thought she was safe. He bought a boat and learned to fish. Secretly, she hoped his ocean forays would be fruitless. <br />
<br />
He loved salmon. He loved them so much, he couldn’t kill them. And so it was at age six, I became a serial salmon slayer. Hammer in hand, I’d wait, watching for the tightening line that signaled me into action. I’d smack them until they were silent. I was good at it. Too good. <br />
<br />
Twenty years later, I made my way to Alaska. Like a fish, returning to the river of its birth, I too was connected to the North by a mission I could not escape. I came north, not to spawn and die...but to fish and kill....ah, the sweet, salty smell of revenge...I only wish my mother was here to see it.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Stupid,
Stinky, Slimy<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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By
Vicki Penwell<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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To the
children I misled during one of the many school and summer programs I have
given about salmon:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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You
remember the story; salmon hatch in a lake or stream, then bravely swim down
stream to the ocean where they eat ocean stuff for a few years while evading
orcas. When they reach sexual maturity,
they head back up stream. After they
reach fresh water, they stop eating, living on fat reserves. Starving, they heroically dodge fish wheels,
bears, and eagles. The strongest salmon
survive, their bodies gashed and bruised.
They go on to the river or lake where they hatched, build redds, and
spawn, defending their redds until they die. After hatching, the off-spring eat
their parents’ carcasses. Bears, eagles
and other wildlife eat the carcasses too, and the decaying flesh returns
nutrients to the soil.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I created
salmon life cycle games like the one where you built redds in dish pans and
instead of real salmon eggs, you hid tiny glass beads. You defended your redd by answering salmon
trivia questions. I found coloring pages
to color, stories to read, and Ahtna Elders to tell about the importance of
salmon to their culture.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Well,
children, I apologize. It is time for
the truth.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Salmon are
stupid, stinky, slimy fish, and that’s while they are alive. Dead, they are even stinkier and slimier as
you know if your dog ever rolled in one. There is nothing noble about
salmon. They don’t “think” or “decide”
anything. They are hard wired to obey
biological signals that tell them to swim, eat, spawn and die. Yes, they are important to the ecosystem but
so are a lot of other things. In fact
there are people who will tell you fires are good (I’m sorry for that too but
that’s another story). Salmon don’t
sacrifice themselves; that would require thought and they are stupid, incapable
of thinking. Did I mention stinky and
slimy?<o:p></o:p></div>
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It is cool
that salmon living it up, getting fat in the ocean, find their way back to the
same river that brought them to the ocean and then back to the place they
hatched. But honestly, kids, their
brains are too tiny for them to problem solve getting home. They need clean water and clues like chemical
smells and glands to make slime so swimming upstream easier. You would never cover yourself with that
stuff if you had a choice, right? Have
you ever tried to wash that stuff off your hands or clothes?<o:p></o:p></div>
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So why be
upset about this Pebble Mine thing?
Salmon are important, but it would be foolish to think they are more
important than Gold. Salmon are stupid, stinky and slimy and delicious but so
are a lot of things. How could that be
better than Gold? Gold is shiny, worth
money and everybody wants it. Mining
Gold is a noble pursuit, requiring skill and perseverance. Fishing is all luck, requiring only a net and
very little skill. Salmon don’t bring as much happiness and aren’t worth as
much cash as Gold. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And forget
wet lands. Have you been to Alaska? The entire state is one big marsh with more
mosquitoes than a squadron of dragon flies could eat in a year. On the North Slope oil companies have a way
of dealing with mosquitoes and it would work at Pebble, too. The boss just gives a signal, turns his back
for a sec and a guy from Texas loosens a cap on some pipeline letting a hundred
gallons or so of oil drain out over the tundra.
It doesn’t seem to bother the caribou one bit. And I don’t think Gold mining would bother
the salmon or bears or other animals, either.
In fact, the roads that will be built to Pebble Mine will provide easier
access for animals. Anyone who says
roads bother animals has never seen all the moose near Alaska highways. It’s too bad some of them are too dumb to
move out of the way of traffic.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As for
tradition, write it down. Nobody wants
to work that hard any more anyway. And
they raise salmon on farms now. What
could be more convenient? <o:p></o:p></div>
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So,
children, let the Gold company build its mine in the Bristol Bay
headwaters. Strip off the tundra, dam
the waste water and put a few locals to work. That’s got to be better than
taking your chances on salmon for making a living or getting something to
eat. There’s no downside to the
mining. Nothing will go wrong and even
if it does, big deal. Alaska is full of
watersheds that are full of stupid, stinky, slimy salmon, watersheds that don’t
have Gold. That we know of. Yet.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Remember? Stupid, slimy, stinky . . .<o:p></o:p></div>
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---<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Ode to the Dead Salmon<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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By
Constance Caparas<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Oh, Salmon of the Midnight Sun<o:p></o:p></div>
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I thank very much<o:p></o:p></div>
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For catching you is very fun<o:p></o:p></div>
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With net, and pole, and such<o:p></o:p></div>
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Oh, Salmon of the Midnight Sun<o:p></o:p></div>
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You taste so very good<o:p></o:p></div>
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Eating you with salt and a bun<o:p></o:p></div>
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Like everybody should!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Oh, Salmon of the Midnight Sun<o:p></o:p></div>
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You will not go to waste<o:p></o:p></div>
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For even once the season is done<o:p></o:p></div>
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We’ll eat you up with haste<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">It's Cold in Alaska!<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">By “NCFerretMom”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Moving
to Alaska has been a life-long dream</span><span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">But once you arrive things are not all that they
seem;</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Arrived in November with snow upon the ground</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Quickly bought a bus pass so I could get around.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Rental cars each weekend so I could see the
state,</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Check on the chechako if I’m not home before too
late!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Drove up and down the Seward Highway,</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Saw eagles, moose and bear;</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Found the AWCC and became a member there.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Discovered Talkeetna and Kasilof, too;</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Stopped in Clam Gulch to run a dog team – that’s
new!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Time passes.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Snow on the ground by Halloween</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Still there in May when they crown the prom
queen!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Breakup comes and I fall down;</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Get up and fall back on the ground!</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Baby moose on the loose, bear cub in the shrub;</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Geese and ducks and sandhill cranes,</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Ferry rides, small planes and trains.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">So much more that I can say, better to just walk
away</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Or else this may start making sense – and what
has past becomes present tense!</span></span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="background: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="background: white; font-family: inherit;">P.S.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">In case you are wondering why there is no salmon in my post, it is because</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I have bought a fishing license every year</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">and have yet to see a salmon here.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I can get it at the store or market,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">but have yet to catch a king, pink or sock-it-to-me, sock-it-to-me,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">sock-it-to-me, sock-it-to-me . . .</span></span>49 Writershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16668373336251297790noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6260339482065341923.post-44837671469457182662012-07-27T10:09:00.002-07:002012-07-27T10:09:22.286-07:00Look for this year's entries soon!The deadline for our 2012 contest is fast approaching - we will be forwarding all entries to our judges after the <b>July 31 midnight deadline</b>. Nancy Lord, Bill Sherwonit, and Ray Troll are reprising their roles as Alaska's arbiters of literary bad taste, and we thank them for their commitment to this highlight of the Alaska literary calendar.<br />
<br />
We will announce the three finalists on this blog and in a 49 Writers blog post on Monday, August 6, and the winner will be revealed on Monday, August 13.<br />
<br />
Keep those entries coming! As usual, the literary talent is of a high standard, so it will be no easy task for the judges...49 Writershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16668373336251297790noreply@blogger.com0